Asking for Help: Confronting Common Fears and Doubts
Reaching out for help can bring up a lot of anxieties and hesitations. That’s okay! Noticing and challenging these are an important part of the journey.
Fear of Being Judged. Are you holding back because you don’t want people to see how much help you need? Dive into the root of this fear and see if you can challenge it with evidence. Often, the people you’re worried about judging you already sense your struggles but don’t know how to help. Imagine what you might say to a loved one who was struggling and afraid of being judged - and remember, people appreciate being trusted and included.
Feeling Ashamed. Shame can be a powerful barrier when it comes to seeking help, especially for mental health challenges that can hold stigma. But here’s a key insight: keeping things hidden often intensifies shame, and sharing your struggles with others can lessen it. By opening up, you’ll likely find that people’s acceptance of you remains intact and that honesty can bring you closer to others.
Timing Issues. Think it’s too late to call for help once you’ve realised you’re in trouble? That’s a myth. Reaching out is a positive step, even if it’s after you’ve engaged in behaviours you’re trying to avoid. It’s an opportunity to discuss what happened, identify triggers, and explore how to handle things differently next time. Every call is a step toward progress, not an exercise in perfection.
Not Knowing What to Say. Just starting with “I need to talk” or “I’m struggling” is more than enough. You don’t have to have everything figured out. Sometimes, talking about anything—whether it’s your feelings or just catching up—can be a helpful distraction and might even help you gain some clarity.
Doubts About Talking. Wondering how talking can help? Speaking about your feelings can be a great way to manage your emotions and understand your situation better. It offers a different perspective and helps your brain process and handle emotions more effectively. Engaging in conversation can also provide a much-needed distraction from overwhelming urges.
Lack of Contacts. Feeling like you have no one to call might mean you haven’t found the right person yet. It’s a sign that you might need to expand your support network. Look into support groups or online communities where you can connect with others who understand. Reach out to these resources—they won’t come to you on their own.
Concern About Responses. The real value of reaching out lies in the effort, not necessarily in the response you receive. Just making the call is a sign of strength. Some people might not know exactly how to help, but they’ll usually be willing to learn. Let them know what works for you, and remember that your efforts to communicate your needs will help you refine your support network.
Past Disappointments. Past letdowns don’t dictate your future. If people have let you down before, it’s all the more reason to seek out new, reliable support. Start with professionals like therapists or mentors, and gradually build trust with others. Remember, not everyone will disappoint you, and some people genuinely want to support you.
Burdening Friends. Most friends enjoy feeling needed and being able to help. Having a few people you can reach out to can prevent over-relying on just one person. It’s also important to acknowledge and thank them when they support you. Showing appreciation can keep the lines of communication open and ensure that your friends feel valued.
Uncertainty About Stopping. Feeling ambivalent about giving up a behaviour is a normal part of change. Use that uncertainty as a conversation starter. Discussing your mixed feelings can help clarify your motivations and strengthen your desire to change. Remember, reaching out is about finding your path, not achieving perfection overnight.
Worries About Effectiveness. Reaching out might not immediately solve your problems, but it’s a crucial step. Even if it doesn’t fix everything right away, each call or conversation is a move away from your behaviours and towards better self-understanding. Keep trying, as every attempt helps you grow and discover what truly supports you.
Self-Reliance Beliefs. Believing you should handle everything on your own is often rooted in pride or fear. Reaching out for support doesn’t diminish your strength; instead, it enhances it by showing that you’re willing to grow and seek out the help you deserve.